11 12 / 2013
I am such a stuck-up moaning complainer that all I’ve ever done was bore you, tumblr followers, family and friends, with my probed existential questions and life debacles. I’ve ranted here like a bitch and couldn’t shut my trap for one damn post.
If I was ever not depressed about something, yet still wanted to write, I posted a quote about “sunlight” or ” rainbows”— I couldn’t just write…about the good things.
In a state of jaded happiness, can one truly relate? Excite? I think not.
Every single author I love or blogger I am zealously jealous of is ranty bickery, bitchy and annoying as hell, in a funny/sarcastic/humoristic way.
I want to be like them. I have no desire to be some Mormon fantasy writer who dreams of eternal love— even though the thought of Bella and Edwards life together in 400 years, makes me cry and die.
I need to get back to writing is my point. Back to the journal, back to things to talk about… perhaps I need to experiment with hallucinogens or startup a meth lab.
01 10 / 2013
"Good news is like rays of sunlight shining directly into your soul….and cheeks :)"
01 10 / 2013
Don’t think i can handle this 9-18 thing. My mother makes fun of me for using military time- at 18 sharp! she tends to forget where she came from- the land of voluntary army service.
I’m not saying i can’t work, i can totally work. i’m actually even smart, even though I’m a natural blonde blued eyed ditz, i have brains. i do. The sitting in a chair thing and staring at a computer all day, especially whilst in an industry i couldn’t give a fuck about is actually impossible for me. I gave myself a title yesterday, one that has been true for over 2 years now- “worst employee of the…always.” These brollick bro’s work overtime on the daily, while i wait for 18 and ten so certain eyes don’t pop out of their sockets.
Just like i can say that amanda is a million and one amazing things, i can blatantly say amanda has not found her path yet, amanda is currently and has not been yet a “good employee.”
My attitude and mindset are “i am bored, “this doesn’t interest me, “this is definitely not my future,” “so why give a shit?”
Not sure these are good mottos as i am making a hell of a salary what with staring at washing machines for sale on WallaShops.
How am i to quit smoking? At least smoke breaks indicate some sort of break from doing, well, something!
I am 25 years old, a baby, a grown-up, no matter what you call it, i call it my present and future which i wish for at every single 11:11 and eyelash that i rub off and blow on my tiny finger.
I WILL find whatever it is that makes me happy, even if some will call it fantasizing and unrealistic, i will prove you wrong, i will overcome, i will find the ideal.
And i will inform you about my findings.
27 8 / 2013
I’m again, in that place where I need someone, anyone to tell me what my thoughts are screaming. For one person (close to me or not) to say those motivational words and cheesy quotes you only see in the movies. “Follow your dreams” “Be only who you are,” “Don’t betray your truth” “Listen to your heart.” I think these cornies to myself during downward dog in Pilates but quickly bury them under my sweat.
After my blog has been swamped with a year and a half of complaint and ranting and (I’m sorry) about my old job- which I gladly gathered up courage to leave, I am on the verge of beginning a new uncertain era- an era I am entering with a bad attitude- apparently I need to change it I just don’t know if that’s what it is I have to change. People think of popular parameters when judging your situation, with a job it’s typically the $, so instead of receiving hallmark responses I get: “that’s a great salary!” “No one likes their job!” “You need to take it, at least for now!”
So I listened; went back to ole’ “do-everything-the-straight-way” Amanda and accepted the job offer I probably shouldn’t have. I start in a couple of weeks and feel hair pulled to opposite sides of the world.
27 7 / 2013
My mother; Amanda I’m starting to get worried about you, seems like you have no work ethic and no desire for a career! Let me remind you that you haven’t been satisfied with a job even since DJ drugs !
Me; mother, I have a desire for a career at home, as a housewife. I used to steal cigarettes and candy from DJ’s so you should be happy I was fired.
07 7 / 2013
Gave my boyfriend a migraine, didn’t let my little sis finish her cafe before accompanying me on a long train ride to a minute meeting.Wore my old fat clothes and brushed my hair, which is sort of like if Sarah Jessica Parker got bangs! Good start to a good day!
17 6 / 2013
It’s funny. When time seems meaningless; when you have no alarm clock beating your brain or a train running late to spoil your afternoon. The world is free and open and welcoming you and your money: come doll, eat me, buy me, love me and dance all around me. I can’t say I’m sick of this whole unemployment thing yet because god knows I am not. I am loving it, I have not even complained of boredom once! Go me, I have matured. With that, I have found no time to write my 3 chapters due in July to my lovely agent Albert who has probably forgot about my existence and my so called “amandaisms” by now. I don’t even know what I do all day, seriously people ask me and I don’t know what to say- I love it! Where did all my career lady single mom aspirations go? ( no I never wanted to be a single mom but to have established myself enough so if I was fucked over I could easily be one). But now, I talk in fantasies, I am currently an aspiring actress, writer, I am also a near-future store owner with my friends and I want a self titled cafe as well. Am I decreasing in age? Or am
I fucking living the life? You decide.
16 5 / 2013
So, it has finally come, the day I have been waiting for my whole life. Okay maybe not my whole life, but ever since I began what I thought I wanted, what everyone and the world thinks you should be doing always and forever, having a “career.” I used to be the obsessed with her major student, the one to raise her hand 5 million times per class, the one who licks the professors anus cause it can only boost her grade to an A+++++. Ad lab, PR lab, every single fucking lab- I did- I ruled and I loved. I used to look up Ad agency’s for fun. Strawberry frog- oooo boutique indie agency, Lowe NY- mainstream yet urban- I knew them all. My dream: to be a copywriter- one to come up with Oscar winning slogans about Tide laundry detergent. You get the point right?
Since I studied Integrated Marketing Communications- getting a job in Marcom would be like Beyonce growing up to be….Beyoncé. I thought everything I had learned, my “vast” experience would make me perfect for the job. I only found out later that all my drive and passion drowned in my cherried La Rouche champagne I love so much. It is gone, vanished, non-existent. About 4 months after I started my job in a FOREX company- a crock of shit- I had zero motivation. Do I really care to promote someone else’s shit? Especially in a field I could throw up on. One year and a half later and I got what I’d wanted from the beginning- FREEDOM- freedom to start figuring my own life out, a proper time as opposed to deciding on a career when you’re 18- fuck America!
So I’m a writer, I’m a want to-be nutritionist (for girls wanting to los up to 30 lbs.) I’m a girlfriend, I’m a daughter, and I’m a sister. I’m definitely not an advertiser- an “Adman”- so not.
Off I am to months’ worth of figuring this out. I’ll let you know what I’ve come up with. :)